11 weeks, 4 days
babycenter tells me that at 11 weeks, the baby is about the size of a fig. it cracks me up how it's like a fruit-of-the-week comparison. so the baby right now should be about an inch and a half long and basically be fully formed. ie, everything that's going to be there is there, although still developing, even its little teeth. how cool is that?
i am still feeling nauseous, although the periods of ick are getting a little further apart now. and i am still getting tired easily. of cousre, some of that is the wear and tear of the holidays, which i love and the hippie hates. it's always a bit of a whirlwind, and i am always grateful to have the week after christmas off. i am planning to hope up, clean the house, and hang out.
this pregnancy is so different than kieran's was. for one thing, my bp meds, which worked beautifully with k up until the last month, are just not doing a lot. they have added a second drug to my daily regimen, which i now have to take twice a day. it's this drug called labetalol, and reading about it on the internet is NOT a comfort to me. everything says it "may be harmful to a developing fetus," but alyce assures me that this is a CYA statement because of the lack of research on it (again, not that comforting), and not because of Bad Things Happening. the bottom line is that the risks to the baby from an elevated BP are much higher than the risks from the controlling drug, so there you go. so i'm taking it, and it's giving me a stuffy nose. yay for side effects. oddly enough, i am now taking the same bp medication as my father. this makes me feel oddly old.
yesterday i manned up, got my butt off the couch, and went for a walk with the hippie and the critter. i have been irrationally afraid of walking much during this pregnancy, even though with kieran, i went for a walk every day. when i was pregnant in august, i went for a long walk, and then started bleeding, so i know i am having some association thing there. and i know it's insane to think that it somehow caused anything to happen--i know better. and yet, the fear remains. working on that, and many other fears as well.
is this baby the Right Thing? i sure hope so. and i know it's kind of too late to ask that question, right? but i still wonder it sometimes, especially when i look at k and his lovely laid back personality and our good dynamic as a family of 3. this is such a gamble, and i just hope to god it's the right one. please let this second baby be normal, happy, and healthy. please let it not be an utter hellion. life is so uncertain.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
up and down
10 weeks, 4 days
such a roller coaster.
last thursday, we had a second ultrasound, and a longer, more thorough exam, discussion, and visit with the doctor--dr. z this time. dr. z is one of my favorites, i think because he has a soothing effect on me because he is straightforward and low-key. anyway, the ultrasound was internal this time, so we could actually see what was going on in spite of being on the lesser of their two machines. we could see the skull and where the eyes, nose, and mouth were forming, we could see the heart clearly, we could see the brain where it's forming, and we could very clearly see the arm and leg buds. and best of all, the baby was wiggling and wrigging around, kicking and flailing, which is pretty amazing for 10 weeks. the size is measuring well, and things with its development seem right on track. we even got good pictures, which i will scan as soon as i figure out how.
beyond that part of the ultrasound, i had a full exam, which also all seemed normal, except for the fact that my blood pressure is running on the high side. i've been taking procardia XL, which is a time-released calcium channel blocker, on which i've been doing ok and which is safe to take when you are pregnant or breastfeeding. now, dr. z prescribed a second drug to me called labetalol, which is a beta blocker. i didn't really think to ask too many questions about this second drug, but i wish i had. i am kind of afraid to take it. i was reading online about it, and it appears that it hasn't been all that well researched, and that its effects on a fetus are "not well known". so then you ask--how much worse is the risk from the elevated bp versus the risk from the drug? i am kind of afraid to take it, and i am kind of afraid not to. so yesterday i took it, and an hour later, i was dizzy and my hands were shaking, and i had to sit down. that could be the drug, or something else entirely. when i took the second dose later in the evening, it seemed ok. *sigh* i just don't know what the right thing is here. i feel like i should just trust the doctor, but at the same time, i don't want to ignore my gut feelings either. i just want to know more.
in other news from that visit, dr. z is the first medical professional (besides alyce, who is unofficial) who has asked me what i wanted to do with regard to delivering this baby. he's the first person to mention a possible vbac. and here's the thing. i could try it, and they would let me. however, 2 of the 4 doctors i am seeing have already pushed hard for a scheduled c-section because they believe i will develop the same set of circumstances with a second delivery as i did with the first. i am not sure i agree, as the second attempt would not involve pitocin (the devil's drug) in any way. they will not induce you after a c-section because of the intensity of the contractions, and the possible effect of that on the scar tissue from the surgery. so if i went late and/or started to look like i might become pre-eclamptic, then they would perform a c-section then rather than induce. if i choose from the get-go to have a c-section, then they schedule it on the early side, about a week before the due date. dr. z was pretty frank about my chances of success here, which are less than 50%. what a tough call and what a lot to think about! there's a strong argument for electing to have a scheduling c-section too, in that we could have child care set for kieran, have some control over which doctor performs the surgery, etc. i don't have to decide this right now, of course, but it sure is on my mind.
anyway--all in all, that last visit to the doctor's office made me almost believe in this pregnancy.
i've been spotting off and on ever since. not a lot. not bright red. just barely if you want to know the truth, but that's more than enough to keep me nervous. i will be so utterly relieved when the first trimester is past and when the nuchal translucency screen is past (january 7th) and when the results are back and are good (we fervently hope). as with the last pregnancy, we are hoping that the NTS results are so good that we don't feel the need for an amnio. i fear the risks the amnio brings, and do NOT want to have one. but we'll see--one test at a time.
until january 7th, we wait, we try to have faith, and we start thinking about baby names. for some reason i feel like this baby is a girl, maybe because i feel so very different than when i was pregnant with kieran. for one thing, no vomiting at all. i am more tired, and feel a more generalized malaise, but i am only truly nauseated at night. i am nearly narcoleptic in the early afternoon. i can't sleep past 6:30am. it's just different. plus my two friends who seem to always get this stuff right both separately told me it was a girl. so maybe it is. i don't need it to be a girl--i just need it to be healthy and normal.
such a roller coaster.
last thursday, we had a second ultrasound, and a longer, more thorough exam, discussion, and visit with the doctor--dr. z this time. dr. z is one of my favorites, i think because he has a soothing effect on me because he is straightforward and low-key. anyway, the ultrasound was internal this time, so we could actually see what was going on in spite of being on the lesser of their two machines. we could see the skull and where the eyes, nose, and mouth were forming, we could see the heart clearly, we could see the brain where it's forming, and we could very clearly see the arm and leg buds. and best of all, the baby was wiggling and wrigging around, kicking and flailing, which is pretty amazing for 10 weeks. the size is measuring well, and things with its development seem right on track. we even got good pictures, which i will scan as soon as i figure out how.
beyond that part of the ultrasound, i had a full exam, which also all seemed normal, except for the fact that my blood pressure is running on the high side. i've been taking procardia XL, which is a time-released calcium channel blocker, on which i've been doing ok and which is safe to take when you are pregnant or breastfeeding. now, dr. z prescribed a second drug to me called labetalol, which is a beta blocker. i didn't really think to ask too many questions about this second drug, but i wish i had. i am kind of afraid to take it. i was reading online about it, and it appears that it hasn't been all that well researched, and that its effects on a fetus are "not well known". so then you ask--how much worse is the risk from the elevated bp versus the risk from the drug? i am kind of afraid to take it, and i am kind of afraid not to. so yesterday i took it, and an hour later, i was dizzy and my hands were shaking, and i had to sit down. that could be the drug, or something else entirely. when i took the second dose later in the evening, it seemed ok. *sigh* i just don't know what the right thing is here. i feel like i should just trust the doctor, but at the same time, i don't want to ignore my gut feelings either. i just want to know more.
in other news from that visit, dr. z is the first medical professional (besides alyce, who is unofficial) who has asked me what i wanted to do with regard to delivering this baby. he's the first person to mention a possible vbac. and here's the thing. i could try it, and they would let me. however, 2 of the 4 doctors i am seeing have already pushed hard for a scheduled c-section because they believe i will develop the same set of circumstances with a second delivery as i did with the first. i am not sure i agree, as the second attempt would not involve pitocin (the devil's drug) in any way. they will not induce you after a c-section because of the intensity of the contractions, and the possible effect of that on the scar tissue from the surgery. so if i went late and/or started to look like i might become pre-eclamptic, then they would perform a c-section then rather than induce. if i choose from the get-go to have a c-section, then they schedule it on the early side, about a week before the due date. dr. z was pretty frank about my chances of success here, which are less than 50%. what a tough call and what a lot to think about! there's a strong argument for electing to have a scheduling c-section too, in that we could have child care set for kieran, have some control over which doctor performs the surgery, etc. i don't have to decide this right now, of course, but it sure is on my mind.
anyway--all in all, that last visit to the doctor's office made me almost believe in this pregnancy.
i've been spotting off and on ever since. not a lot. not bright red. just barely if you want to know the truth, but that's more than enough to keep me nervous. i will be so utterly relieved when the first trimester is past and when the nuchal translucency screen is past (january 7th) and when the results are back and are good (we fervently hope). as with the last pregnancy, we are hoping that the NTS results are so good that we don't feel the need for an amnio. i fear the risks the amnio brings, and do NOT want to have one. but we'll see--one test at a time.
until january 7th, we wait, we try to have faith, and we start thinking about baby names. for some reason i feel like this baby is a girl, maybe because i feel so very different than when i was pregnant with kieran. for one thing, no vomiting at all. i am more tired, and feel a more generalized malaise, but i am only truly nauseated at night. i am nearly narcoleptic in the early afternoon. i can't sleep past 6:30am. it's just different. plus my two friends who seem to always get this stuff right both separately told me it was a girl. so maybe it is. i don't need it to be a girl--i just need it to be healthy and normal.
Monday, December 14, 2009
appropriate
9 weeks, 4 days
we love xkcd, and it seems we are again coinciding with mr. munroe's activities as related to familia:
we love xkcd, and it seems we are again coinciding with mr. munroe's activities as related to familia:
Friday, December 4, 2009
readjusting the dates
8 weeks, 1 day
had my first ultrasound this morning, and everything was blissfully boring and normal. the due date has been adjusted up by 5 days. judging from the size of the gestational sac, etc. this is not alarming really--my last period was weird and long, as it was the first one i had after miscarrying. i told the nurse i wasn't sure which day to consider the first day of that period, october 3rd, which is when i started spotting, and would give a due date of july 10th, or october 8th, which is when the actual bleeding began, and would give a due date of the july 15th. sounds like we should have chosen the 8th. so anyway. other than that little adjustment, the baby looked--well--blobbish, just as it should. and its little heart was beating a mile a minute, just as it should as well. 173 beats per minute. whoo hoo!
i am still not really relaxed about it all, but i am very glad to have seen the little bit in there and to have heard its little heart a fluttering. i reckon it's time to tell the parents.
had my first ultrasound this morning, and everything was blissfully boring and normal. the due date has been adjusted up by 5 days. judging from the size of the gestational sac, etc. this is not alarming really--my last period was weird and long, as it was the first one i had after miscarrying. i told the nurse i wasn't sure which day to consider the first day of that period, october 3rd, which is when i started spotting, and would give a due date of july 10th, or october 8th, which is when the actual bleeding began, and would give a due date of the july 15th. sounds like we should have chosen the 8th. so anyway. other than that little adjustment, the baby looked--well--blobbish, just as it should. and its little heart was beating a mile a minute, just as it should as well. 173 beats per minute. whoo hoo!
i am still not really relaxed about it all, but i am very glad to have seen the little bit in there and to have heard its little heart a fluttering. i reckon it's time to tell the parents.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
5am
8 weeks, 4 days
5am. sitting on my couch eating toast after a long awful night of digestive system failure. i will spare you the details. am i just pregnant, or is there something else going on here? i actually feel mildly food poisoned--is that even possible? anyway. bottom line is that mama feels like shit on a stick. bleh.
5am. sitting on my couch eating toast after a long awful night of digestive system failure. i will spare you the details. am i just pregnant, or is there something else going on here? i actually feel mildly food poisoned--is that even possible? anyway. bottom line is that mama feels like shit on a stick. bleh.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
hanging in
8 weeks, 3 days
still here. still knocked up. still having some very very slight spotting here and there, which is worrisome, but probably nothing. still trying to keep the faith. my first ultrasound is scheduled for this friday, which is still too far away, thank you very much. almost makes me wish i had taken the option of having an appointment today with the one doctor in the practice i really can't stand. but then again...who wants to start out with the doctor you don't like? i mean--i know i will have to see her at some point, but she's just not how i want this pregnancy to begin. bleh. better to wait for friday and the doctor the hippie and i both love best.
so for now, i am just trying to be patient, eat something small at least once ever two hours to keep the nausea at bay, and sleep as much as i can. biding my time...
baby's the size of a kidney bean. baby's big brother is a blast. it's hard to imagine loving a new baby as much as i love the critter, but i know i will. :)
still here. still knocked up. still having some very very slight spotting here and there, which is worrisome, but probably nothing. still trying to keep the faith. my first ultrasound is scheduled for this friday, which is still too far away, thank you very much. almost makes me wish i had taken the option of having an appointment today with the one doctor in the practice i really can't stand. but then again...who wants to start out with the doctor you don't like? i mean--i know i will have to see her at some point, but she's just not how i want this pregnancy to begin. bleh. better to wait for friday and the doctor the hippie and i both love best.
so for now, i am just trying to be patient, eat something small at least once ever two hours to keep the nausea at bay, and sleep as much as i can. biding my time...
baby's the size of a kidney bean. baby's big brother is a blast. it's hard to imagine loving a new baby as much as i love the critter, but i know i will. :)
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
ugh
7 weeks, 3 days
having a little spotting this morning. i had a little bit when i was pregnant with the critter somewhere around this time, too, but that in no way lessens my fear. it's the brownish kind of spotting at least, and not the bright red super scary kind. i am hopeful that it's nothing, but trying to remain calm and accepting in case it's NOT nothing. *sigh* anyone who thinks this process is anything less than a miracle just isn't paying attention.
having a little spotting this morning. i had a little bit when i was pregnant with the critter somewhere around this time, too, but that in no way lessens my fear. it's the brownish kind of spotting at least, and not the bright red super scary kind. i am hopeful that it's nothing, but trying to remain calm and accepting in case it's NOT nothing. *sigh* anyone who thinks this process is anything less than a miracle just isn't paying attention.
Monday, November 23, 2009
hope and uncertainty
7 weeks, 2 days
i am officially past the week where i miscarried last time, so you would think i'd be feeling calmer about things. but no. faith, as it turns out, is hard for me to keep. one minute i'm fine, and the next i am sure i am bleeding. *sigh* i'll be glad when we get to the first ultrasound so i can see that heartbeat. please, please let there be a healthy little bit in there!
right now, the bit should be about the size of a blueberry. it already has a ton of organs forming, as well as its little hands and feet. as always, amazing.
in mama news, all of a sudden, i am starting to show. with the critter, i think i wasn't showing until around 13 weeks, and i know it starts sooner with a second baby. but really? 7 weeks? that just seems way too early to have a little belly! maybe that means things are ok in there. i sure do feel like crap, so that's reassuring as well. lol. i just gotta laugh at myself.
i am officially past the week where i miscarried last time, so you would think i'd be feeling calmer about things. but no. faith, as it turns out, is hard for me to keep. one minute i'm fine, and the next i am sure i am bleeding. *sigh* i'll be glad when we get to the first ultrasound so i can see that heartbeat. please, please let there be a healthy little bit in there!
right now, the bit should be about the size of a blueberry. it already has a ton of organs forming, as well as its little hands and feet. as always, amazing.
in mama news, all of a sudden, i am starting to show. with the critter, i think i wasn't showing until around 13 weeks, and i know it starts sooner with a second baby. but really? 7 weeks? that just seems way too early to have a little belly! maybe that means things are ok in there. i sure do feel like crap, so that's reassuring as well. lol. i just gotta laugh at myself.
Friday, November 20, 2009
*yawn*
6 weeks, 6 days
man, am i tired! i just can't seem to get enough rest the past week or so. i don't know if i got too run down traveling to NYC or what, but i sure am glad i get a few days of downtime next week, even if there will still be a lot of cooking. according to the pregnancy calendar, the baby's blood should be circulating all through the body today or tomorrow. the heart's supposedly been beating for a week or so at this point. it already has little buds where arms and legs will form, and it's making little webbed bits on those where the hands and feet will be. again--mind-blowing. but it doesn't seem real at all yet. i don't know if i am mentally distancing myself from it because of the miscarriage, but i almost don't believe in this baby. my first ultrasound was moved from december 1st to the 4th, and it seems like a lifetime away even though it's only two weeks from today. i long for reassurance that there's really a baby in there. i'm tired and scared and vaguely ill and did i mention tired? i'm also oddly sad, very paranoid, and in need of SOME kind of reassurance today. i don't know--i guess i forgot what an emotional ride this is. *sigh*
man, am i tired! i just can't seem to get enough rest the past week or so. i don't know if i got too run down traveling to NYC or what, but i sure am glad i get a few days of downtime next week, even if there will still be a lot of cooking. according to the pregnancy calendar, the baby's blood should be circulating all through the body today or tomorrow. the heart's supposedly been beating for a week or so at this point. it already has little buds where arms and legs will form, and it's making little webbed bits on those where the hands and feet will be. again--mind-blowing. but it doesn't seem real at all yet. i don't know if i am mentally distancing myself from it because of the miscarriage, but i almost don't believe in this baby. my first ultrasound was moved from december 1st to the 4th, and it seems like a lifetime away even though it's only two weeks from today. i long for reassurance that there's really a baby in there. i'm tired and scared and vaguely ill and did i mention tired? i'm also oddly sad, very paranoid, and in need of SOME kind of reassurance today. i don't know--i guess i forgot what an emotional ride this is. *sigh*
Monday, November 16, 2009
6 weeks, 2 days
i spent this past weekend in NYC with some of my best girlfriends, and it was amazing to see them. over the course of the weekend, i hit that point in this pregnancy where i started to feel a little ill if i didn't eat every couple of hours--still there, btw. it's funny to have to do this while you're traveling. i feel like i spent half of the time i was there in a restaurant resting a minute and getting something carby on my stomach, and peeing like 3 times at every stop. it's funny how much better i feel mentally to be feeling kind of icky physically. mostly i am TIRED and vaguely nauseous. no hurling yet, but we'll see...
i'm still paranoid that something is going to go wrong, of course. i think that'll be the case until i have a level 2 ultrasound--quite a ways away.
i spent this past weekend in NYC with some of my best girlfriends, and it was amazing to see them. over the course of the weekend, i hit that point in this pregnancy where i started to feel a little ill if i didn't eat every couple of hours--still there, btw. it's funny to have to do this while you're traveling. i feel like i spent half of the time i was there in a restaurant resting a minute and getting something carby on my stomach, and peeing like 3 times at every stop. it's funny how much better i feel mentally to be feeling kind of icky physically. mostly i am TIRED and vaguely nauseous. no hurling yet, but we'll see...
i'm still paranoid that something is going to go wrong, of course. i think that'll be the case until i have a level 2 ultrasound--quite a ways away.
Monday, November 9, 2009
a little bit of paranoia
5 weeks, 2 days
today, the pregnancy calendar tells me that the embryo is developing bones, muscles, blood vessels, heart, sex organs, stomach, liver, intestines, lungs, and urinary tract. sheesh! busy little bit! i read that and feel a little excited, and as always, i am just amazed at the whole process of my body making a baby.
then i just remind myself quietly that this is the week that the last baby stopped developing, so it doesn't pay to get TOO excited.
there's a fine line between faith and practicality.
every time i go pee, i brace myself just in case there's blood. and yet, i FEEL pregnant, much more than i did last time. i am tired and cranky and not hungry, and my boobs are a little bigger and oddly tingly. i keep having bizarre detailed, non-restful dreams. i have to pee a LOT. i will honestly start feeling better about this whole thing if i start feeling more nauseous. probably the only time in my life i'll think throwing up is a GOOD thing. so bring it on, morning sickness! i'm ready for ya.
(remind me i said that in 3 weeks.)
today, the pregnancy calendar tells me that the embryo is developing bones, muscles, blood vessels, heart, sex organs, stomach, liver, intestines, lungs, and urinary tract. sheesh! busy little bit! i read that and feel a little excited, and as always, i am just amazed at the whole process of my body making a baby.
then i just remind myself quietly that this is the week that the last baby stopped developing, so it doesn't pay to get TOO excited.
there's a fine line between faith and practicality.
every time i go pee, i brace myself just in case there's blood. and yet, i FEEL pregnant, much more than i did last time. i am tired and cranky and not hungry, and my boobs are a little bigger and oddly tingly. i keep having bizarre detailed, non-restful dreams. i have to pee a LOT. i will honestly start feeling better about this whole thing if i start feeling more nauseous. probably the only time in my life i'll think throwing up is a GOOD thing. so bring it on, morning sickness! i'm ready for ya.
(remind me i said that in 3 weeks.)
Friday, November 6, 2009
here we go again
4 weeks, 6 days
looks like i'm knocked up again, this time on purpose. it's a little nerve-wracking to be pregnant this soon after a miscarriage. i want to be excited, but it's awfully hard not to what-if myself to death, you know? i am just trying to have faith.
so.
assuming all goes well, we should have a new baby brother or sister for the critter next july. my due date is july 10th, my father's birthday. i am terribly excited, although i know this baby will bring as many changes to us as kieran has done, and that some of those changes will be difficult. i am grateful that i am healthy, that we were able to get me pregnant again this quickly, and that we have so many great friends and family members to support us.
pregnant again. whew. here we go.
looks like i'm knocked up again, this time on purpose. it's a little nerve-wracking to be pregnant this soon after a miscarriage. i want to be excited, but it's awfully hard not to what-if myself to death, you know? i am just trying to have faith.
so.
assuming all goes well, we should have a new baby brother or sister for the critter next july. my due date is july 10th, my father's birthday. i am terribly excited, although i know this baby will bring as many changes to us as kieran has done, and that some of those changes will be difficult. i am grateful that i am healthy, that we were able to get me pregnant again this quickly, and that we have so many great friends and family members to support us.
pregnant again. whew. here we go.
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