7 weeks, 3 days
having a little spotting this morning. i had a little bit when i was pregnant with the critter somewhere around this time, too, but that in no way lessens my fear. it's the brownish kind of spotting at least, and not the bright red super scary kind. i am hopeful that it's nothing, but trying to remain calm and accepting in case it's NOT nothing. *sigh* anyone who thinks this process is anything less than a miracle just isn't paying attention.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
hope and uncertainty
7 weeks, 2 days
i am officially past the week where i miscarried last time, so you would think i'd be feeling calmer about things. but no. faith, as it turns out, is hard for me to keep. one minute i'm fine, and the next i am sure i am bleeding. *sigh* i'll be glad when we get to the first ultrasound so i can see that heartbeat. please, please let there be a healthy little bit in there!
right now, the bit should be about the size of a blueberry. it already has a ton of organs forming, as well as its little hands and feet. as always, amazing.
in mama news, all of a sudden, i am starting to show. with the critter, i think i wasn't showing until around 13 weeks, and i know it starts sooner with a second baby. but really? 7 weeks? that just seems way too early to have a little belly! maybe that means things are ok in there. i sure do feel like crap, so that's reassuring as well. lol. i just gotta laugh at myself.
i am officially past the week where i miscarried last time, so you would think i'd be feeling calmer about things. but no. faith, as it turns out, is hard for me to keep. one minute i'm fine, and the next i am sure i am bleeding. *sigh* i'll be glad when we get to the first ultrasound so i can see that heartbeat. please, please let there be a healthy little bit in there!
right now, the bit should be about the size of a blueberry. it already has a ton of organs forming, as well as its little hands and feet. as always, amazing.
in mama news, all of a sudden, i am starting to show. with the critter, i think i wasn't showing until around 13 weeks, and i know it starts sooner with a second baby. but really? 7 weeks? that just seems way too early to have a little belly! maybe that means things are ok in there. i sure do feel like crap, so that's reassuring as well. lol. i just gotta laugh at myself.
Friday, November 20, 2009
*yawn*
6 weeks, 6 days
man, am i tired! i just can't seem to get enough rest the past week or so. i don't know if i got too run down traveling to NYC or what, but i sure am glad i get a few days of downtime next week, even if there will still be a lot of cooking. according to the pregnancy calendar, the baby's blood should be circulating all through the body today or tomorrow. the heart's supposedly been beating for a week or so at this point. it already has little buds where arms and legs will form, and it's making little webbed bits on those where the hands and feet will be. again--mind-blowing. but it doesn't seem real at all yet. i don't know if i am mentally distancing myself from it because of the miscarriage, but i almost don't believe in this baby. my first ultrasound was moved from december 1st to the 4th, and it seems like a lifetime away even though it's only two weeks from today. i long for reassurance that there's really a baby in there. i'm tired and scared and vaguely ill and did i mention tired? i'm also oddly sad, very paranoid, and in need of SOME kind of reassurance today. i don't know--i guess i forgot what an emotional ride this is. *sigh*
man, am i tired! i just can't seem to get enough rest the past week or so. i don't know if i got too run down traveling to NYC or what, but i sure am glad i get a few days of downtime next week, even if there will still be a lot of cooking. according to the pregnancy calendar, the baby's blood should be circulating all through the body today or tomorrow. the heart's supposedly been beating for a week or so at this point. it already has little buds where arms and legs will form, and it's making little webbed bits on those where the hands and feet will be. again--mind-blowing. but it doesn't seem real at all yet. i don't know if i am mentally distancing myself from it because of the miscarriage, but i almost don't believe in this baby. my first ultrasound was moved from december 1st to the 4th, and it seems like a lifetime away even though it's only two weeks from today. i long for reassurance that there's really a baby in there. i'm tired and scared and vaguely ill and did i mention tired? i'm also oddly sad, very paranoid, and in need of SOME kind of reassurance today. i don't know--i guess i forgot what an emotional ride this is. *sigh*
Monday, November 16, 2009
6 weeks, 2 days
i spent this past weekend in NYC with some of my best girlfriends, and it was amazing to see them. over the course of the weekend, i hit that point in this pregnancy where i started to feel a little ill if i didn't eat every couple of hours--still there, btw. it's funny to have to do this while you're traveling. i feel like i spent half of the time i was there in a restaurant resting a minute and getting something carby on my stomach, and peeing like 3 times at every stop. it's funny how much better i feel mentally to be feeling kind of icky physically. mostly i am TIRED and vaguely nauseous. no hurling yet, but we'll see...
i'm still paranoid that something is going to go wrong, of course. i think that'll be the case until i have a level 2 ultrasound--quite a ways away.
i spent this past weekend in NYC with some of my best girlfriends, and it was amazing to see them. over the course of the weekend, i hit that point in this pregnancy where i started to feel a little ill if i didn't eat every couple of hours--still there, btw. it's funny to have to do this while you're traveling. i feel like i spent half of the time i was there in a restaurant resting a minute and getting something carby on my stomach, and peeing like 3 times at every stop. it's funny how much better i feel mentally to be feeling kind of icky physically. mostly i am TIRED and vaguely nauseous. no hurling yet, but we'll see...
i'm still paranoid that something is going to go wrong, of course. i think that'll be the case until i have a level 2 ultrasound--quite a ways away.
Monday, November 9, 2009
a little bit of paranoia
5 weeks, 2 days
today, the pregnancy calendar tells me that the embryo is developing bones, muscles, blood vessels, heart, sex organs, stomach, liver, intestines, lungs, and urinary tract. sheesh! busy little bit! i read that and feel a little excited, and as always, i am just amazed at the whole process of my body making a baby.
then i just remind myself quietly that this is the week that the last baby stopped developing, so it doesn't pay to get TOO excited.
there's a fine line between faith and practicality.
every time i go pee, i brace myself just in case there's blood. and yet, i FEEL pregnant, much more than i did last time. i am tired and cranky and not hungry, and my boobs are a little bigger and oddly tingly. i keep having bizarre detailed, non-restful dreams. i have to pee a LOT. i will honestly start feeling better about this whole thing if i start feeling more nauseous. probably the only time in my life i'll think throwing up is a GOOD thing. so bring it on, morning sickness! i'm ready for ya.
(remind me i said that in 3 weeks.)
today, the pregnancy calendar tells me that the embryo is developing bones, muscles, blood vessels, heart, sex organs, stomach, liver, intestines, lungs, and urinary tract. sheesh! busy little bit! i read that and feel a little excited, and as always, i am just amazed at the whole process of my body making a baby.
then i just remind myself quietly that this is the week that the last baby stopped developing, so it doesn't pay to get TOO excited.
there's a fine line between faith and practicality.
every time i go pee, i brace myself just in case there's blood. and yet, i FEEL pregnant, much more than i did last time. i am tired and cranky and not hungry, and my boobs are a little bigger and oddly tingly. i keep having bizarre detailed, non-restful dreams. i have to pee a LOT. i will honestly start feeling better about this whole thing if i start feeling more nauseous. probably the only time in my life i'll think throwing up is a GOOD thing. so bring it on, morning sickness! i'm ready for ya.
(remind me i said that in 3 weeks.)
Friday, November 6, 2009
here we go again
4 weeks, 6 days
looks like i'm knocked up again, this time on purpose. it's a little nerve-wracking to be pregnant this soon after a miscarriage. i want to be excited, but it's awfully hard not to what-if myself to death, you know? i am just trying to have faith.
so.
assuming all goes well, we should have a new baby brother or sister for the critter next july. my due date is july 10th, my father's birthday. i am terribly excited, although i know this baby will bring as many changes to us as kieran has done, and that some of those changes will be difficult. i am grateful that i am healthy, that we were able to get me pregnant again this quickly, and that we have so many great friends and family members to support us.
pregnant again. whew. here we go.
looks like i'm knocked up again, this time on purpose. it's a little nerve-wracking to be pregnant this soon after a miscarriage. i want to be excited, but it's awfully hard not to what-if myself to death, you know? i am just trying to have faith.
so.
assuming all goes well, we should have a new baby brother or sister for the critter next july. my due date is july 10th, my father's birthday. i am terribly excited, although i know this baby will bring as many changes to us as kieran has done, and that some of those changes will be difficult. i am grateful that i am healthy, that we were able to get me pregnant again this quickly, and that we have so many great friends and family members to support us.
pregnant again. whew. here we go.
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