*yawn*

6 weeks, 6 days

man, am i tired! i just can't seem to get enough rest the past week or so. i don't know if i got too run down traveling to NYC or what, but i sure am glad i get a few days of downtime next week, even if there will still be a lot of cooking. according to the pregnancy calendar, the baby's blood should be circulating all through the body today or tomorrow. the heart's supposedly been beating for a week or so at this point. it already has little buds where arms and legs will form, and it's making little webbed bits on those where the hands and feet will be. again--mind-blowing. but it doesn't seem real at all yet. i don't know if i am mentally distancing myself from it because of the miscarriage, but i almost don't believe in this baby. my first ultrasound was moved from december 1st to the 4th, and it seems like a lifetime away even though it's only two weeks from today. i long for reassurance that there's really a baby in there. i'm tired and scared and vaguely ill and did i mention tired? i'm also oddly sad, very paranoid, and in need of SOME kind of reassurance today. i don't know--i guess i forgot what an emotional ride this is. *sigh*