in which i whine

12 weeks, 3 days

i feel like crap. i've been feeling like crap constantly for 3 solid days, and before that it was off and on for the preceding couple of weeks. it's making me whiney, morose, even more forgetful, weepy, faint, and just generally terrible for other people to be around. there have been two weeks of vacation, and today is the last day--tomorrow i return to work, where i will not be able to hide the fact that i am pregnant since i am showing pretty obviously and have like 2 pairs of pants i can wear right now. *sigh*

when i was pregnant with kieran, i was a) able to rest more, and b) kind of into the experience of being pregnant. this time i feel worse, am more tired, have less time and opportunity to rest, and have felt generally worse. i know in the end it will be worth it and all, but this part kind of blows. and i feel guilty for feeling this way, you know? there are so many women i know would kill to be in this position and can't be, and complaining about it make me feel like a bona fide shit. but it still sucks--that's the honest truth. i keep having bizarre dreams that don't let me rest at night. my new bo med makes me stuffy all the time, i am nauseated 24-7, i have to eat every 30 seconds, and i just have no energy to speak of. the poor hippie and the poor critter are suffering from lack of attention and focus on my part. it's just all hard right now, even though i KNOW it will pass and that this is temporary.

i guess i am just saying all this here to get it off my chest. i feel like death, and today i am just wallowing before i have to jump back into everyday life tomorrow. bleh.